My (Three) Favorite Things in a Serious Crisis

This is the blog post I never wanted to write. 

Picture it:

One moment I’m in nature under gloriously scented pines, reveling in the crisp air, smelling intoxicating coffees percolating at surrounding campsites, hearing the laughter of families and friends on a holiday weekend. The next, a massive fire truck and ambulance are there to tend to my injuries after a brutal, inescapable attack from a canine.

With more and more people turning to somatic modalities for healing stress, anxiety and trauma, (not to mention chronic sleep difficulties, digestive issues, autoimmune conditions and relationship and boundary issues), it’s often easy to overlook how transformative these somatic modalities can be when shock trauma happens.

In a situation of inescapable attack - like with an unpredictable animal, or being robbed at knifepoint or a sexual assault - the nature of the threat is such that it’s often impossible to fight or flee, our first lines of protective responses. When those options don’t work, freeze is often the only other life-saving option available. And while helpful in the short-run, over the long run unless those defensive orienting responses are completed in the nervous system, serious complications can arise. 

In this blog post, I share three things I recently did when faced with an inescapable attack to mitigate the likelihood of developing symptoms of post-traumatic stress. 

1. Physical support

When I was attacked by a 70 lb dog earlier this year, as good fortune would have it, a park ranger was coming around the bend on a golf cart and saw the whole thing. He asked what I needed and my training as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner kicked in. When experiencing a shock trauma, the human nervous system needs to co-regulate with another system if at all possible. Intuitively, I asked the kind ranger to place his hand on my shoulder and keep it there for a while. 

By doing so, my body avoided going into overwhelm. It trembled and shook, and the supportive physical contact helped my nervous system feel contained. 

Later, while we waited for the paramedics to arrive, the other ranger Paige and I sat together back to back. (Also - big shout out to both her and John for their wise compassionate care!)

Because our mammalian nervous system is like that of other animals, our bodies know we are safe and the ordeal is over when we can experience that kind of supportive, non-judgmental physical contact. 

Just like you will intuitively kiss a child’s boo boo, offering physical contact in the moment can do a lot to prevent the development of long term symptoms (like in my case avoiding places where there are large dogs or going camping again, a common symptom of unresolved post-traumatic stress).

It certainly did for my system.

2. Singing 

As we waited for care to arrive on the narrow mountain road under the majestic trees, I was reminded of and started spontaneously singing the childhood classic “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music: 

When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I’m feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don’t feel so bad!

And while the lyrics were helpful, what was really powerful was that my nervous system was naturally reaching for a very wise strategy.

The vagus nerve, the largest nerve in the body, contributes greatly to our self-regulation. The ability to calm down when we are too agitated – but also to reach for the healthy aggression that can often help protect us – is all related to the functioning of this massive nerve. Things that help support vagal tone including humming, chanting and singing, and spontaneous social engagement.

By singing, not only was my mind distracted from the blood gushing down my leg and the searing pain (Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudel, doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles), but I was able to discharge some of the build up of energy that could have easily lead to an anxiety or panic attack or even shock, a critical condition brought on by the sudden drop in blood flow through the body. 

Plus when Paige joined in and sang with me, I actually had a moment of relief in what could have been an utterly terrifying and isolating experience. (Remember one definition of trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond).

Trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond.

By discharging the high level of energy in my system in a conscious way supported by presence, I was able to advocate for myself and hopefully prevent further traumatization (which often happens after a shocking incident like a car accident, fall, or dog bite).

3. Social engagement

After experiencing some physical support with contact from the park rangers, followed by the singing, there was one more piece that helped me regulate enough to be able to think clearly.

When the massive fire truck and paramedics arrived, I let the folks near me know it was important to speak in low voices. I also gently let them know that, despite the fact that it was a sunny summer morning, I needed the emergency response folks who were helping me to take off their sunglasses to make eye contact with me. 

(I should add that it was wonderful, empowering and affirming that they did - and not something I took for granted or would have necessarily happened for others, unfortunately). 

Again, because we are mammals, the need for contact with other mammals of the same species was incredibly helpful to my limbic system and other subcortical brain structures. These are the parts of the brain that keep our hearts beating, our lungs pumping and keep us alive with no conscious effort on our part. 

This system (the autonomic nervous system) is what is keeping you alive all day every day. 

Because eye contact is one of the primary ways we attach to other human beings for safety (check out what a baby does when there is a loud sound - it will often orient to the eyes of the primary caregiver), it’s incredibly helpful. If you’ve ever tried to have an intimate conversation with someone wearing sunglasses or glued to their phone and felt really uncomfortable, this is why. 

By simply letting folks know that my nervous system needed low voices and eye contact (kind of like a vulnerable baby does), the experience of medical intervention was far less jarring and traumatic.

While I certainly would have preferred to enjoy an easy weekend of camping, by having these somatic tools in my back pocket and using them, I’m hopeful I’ll continue to recover from my injuries. 

I hope you’ll reflect on these tools for regulation and how you might use them not only in a crisis, but in your daily life - at home, at work, on vacation and with the populations you serve. By doing so, you are taking an active role in your own healing and that of us all.

Let me know how it goes!

Ready to take the next step in your healing? The Refuge of Boundaries experience is coming in the fall of 2023. Click here to get on the list and be the first to know when doors open. 

4 Ways Yoga Helps Trauma Healing

Research and anecdotal evidence both suggest yoga is beneficial for all kinds of things: physical strength, balance and flexibility, relief of neck and back pain, better sleep, and more.

What fewer people realize, is that yoga can also be a powerful ally in the healing of relational, shock and systemic trauma.

Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, is a clinical psychiatrist whose work attempts to integrate mind, brain, body, and social connections to understand and treat trauma. He is the author of The New York Times bestselling book The Body Keeps the Score and writes:

When people think about trauma, they generally think of it as a historical event that happened some time ago. Trauma is actually the residue from the past as it settles into your body. It’s located inside your own skin. When people are traumatized, they become afraid of their physical sensations; their breathing becomes shallow, and they become uptight and frightened about what they’re feeling inside. When you slow down your breathing with yoga, you can increase your heart rate variability, and that decreases stress. Yoga opens you up to feeling every aspect of your body’s sensations. It’s a gentle, safe way for people to befriend their bodies, where the trauma of the past is stored.

In this video, I share just a few of the many ways yoga helps the healing of trauma.

4 Ways Yoga Helps Trauma Healing

1. Yoga can alleviate pain and discomfort in the body.

For many people, emotional pain can also be physically painful.

As Nikki Myers says, “Our issues live in our tissues.” Yoga can be extremely helpful to relieve some of that pain, especially if you are doing a gentle, trauma-informed yoga practice.

If you’re in severe grief or emotional pain – whether because of the death of a loved one, a break up, or the latest mass shooting – those 15-30 minutes on the yoga mat can be a blessing of (non-addictive) pain-relief. 

2. Yoga can reduce the physical tension in the body which often causes us to be reactive.

Trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond. When we experience difficult events, our bodies produce a series of chemicals. If we are lucky enough to process the event and our big emotions in the moment, it often passes without leaving a long-term residue on our nervous system. 

But if there’s no time to process those big feelings - and discharge those chemicals - they often end up turning into the tension we experience in our bodies. Yoga helps us let go of the physical tension and the old emotions that can cause us to be reactive in our relationships, at work and in our public lives.

Feeling the feelings isn’t always fun, but for our long-term health and well-being it’s a must.

3. Practicing yoga can be a chance to learn about, cultivate and use boundaries.

When I went to my first yoga classes many years ago, I was definitely not a fan. 

I was comparing myself to everyone in the room and couldn’t keep up. I felt so awkward. It took me many years to find yoga that was my jam …

And what a teacher taught me was that, if i was in yoga thinking about what was going to happen tomorrow or next week, I wasn’t practicing good boundaries. That really got me curious. 

The invitation was to keep my focus on what was actually happening on my yoga mat. So I started to actually notice when something was causing me to take my attention from what was happening right there in the room.

This is so important because folks who experience stress, anxiety and trauma (and especially folks in the helping professions or people who are givers), often have boundaries that aren’t necessarily strong and healthy. Maybe we over give or over share and then feel ashamed we did that. Or we have difficulty saying no.

That’s certainly been part of my journey. 

So on the yoga mat (or chair), it’s a great chance to practice boundaries and keep coming back to what’s actually happening right here in the moment. As we practice bringing our awareness to our sensations, breath, thoughts and emotions that are on the mat, we are learning to cultivate boundaries. This is important because if our boundaries are intact, we can respond to the challenges of life in a much more proactive way and avoid becoming victimized again.

4. When practiced with mindfulness, it can be a way of learning about and accepting yourself exactly the way you are. 

If you compare yourself to other people - and are either the best in the room or the worst - you’re probably also lacking in self-compassion. Learning mindful self-acceptance is a huge game changer - especially if you are looking to change. 

Why? 

Because shame (a tool many of us use to whip ourselves into shape) never causes anyone to make sustainable long-term healthy changes. Let’s face it - if it worked, you wouldn’t be here reading this looking for another approach. 

So when we bring a spirit of non-judgmental acceptance of ourselves exactly the way we are, and truly practice self-compassion and self-acceptance, we can also be much more accepting and inclusive of others.

And a BONUS …. 

If you want to see the world become a place where there’s greater justice, equality, opportunity for all regardless of race, religion, gender, ability, class, sexual orientation, or any other element of identity, then you know compassion and acceptance of yourself is the beginning of compassion and acceptance for others. Among the best ways you can contribute to making the world a better place, is with self-acceptance and self-compassion. You’ve heard it said again and again but we truly must be the change we want to see in the world!

If you’re looking to transform stress, anxiety and trauma into resilience, I hope these four ways yoga can help will inspire you to take the self-care actions you need to thrive. After all, you deserve it!

Understanding the Body and Trauma (Part II)

If you’ve been alive in the U.S. during the last year, there is one word that you’ve probably heard more than you have at any other time in your life.

That word is trauma. 

Whether referring to the health, psychological or social impact of the coronavirus, the implications of children being out of school for months at a time, economic devastation to millions, the spike in mental health crises or the insurrection in the Capitol on January 6th, trauma is being talked, written and heard about more than ever.

But what exactly is trauma and what can we do about it?

In this blog post, part of a 3-part series which follows up on Understanding the Mind and Brain (Part I) we’ll explore what trauma is, why animals don’t experience trauma, what happens in humans, and what makes the difference in our ability to cope with and heal from trauma. 

What is trauma?

The word trauma comes from the Greek word for wound. 

In many ways, our psychic wounds are similar to physical wounds, according to Dr. Gabor Mate, author of When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection.

When a physical wound is open, it is raw and extremely sensitive. If you touch it even slightly, you experience intense pain. We’ve all had this experience of being tender and exceptionally vulnerable in this way. Even the smallest contact with this wound is practically unbearable.

When a physical wound heals, scar tissue forms. That tissue is hard and rigid. It is inflexible. It allows nothing to permeate it. 

Our psychic wounds are much the same. 

When we experience trauma, we are extremely sensitive to even a feather’s touch of an experience like the one that hurt us. We cannot bear the agony of even the smallest bit of contact. We become easily triggered by anything even remotely related to the original incident. 

In other places, we become rigid and hard. 

We become inflexible, unreachable even. We let nothing new in, not even resources that might be helpful in some way. So firm and inflexible is our defensiveness. 

In other words, in one way, our psyche lacks balance and moderation. Addicts all recognize this dynamic. And if we’ve experienced trauma, chances are that we are addicts. If addiction is defined as any behavior - shopping, scrolling social media, drinking, overworking, eating, whatever we do to temporarily numb the pain - that persists despite repeated adverse consequences, you can see how most of us are addicts of one sort or another.

And what is the remedy for addiction? It’s not abstinence. It’s connection.

Furthermore, trauma isn’t just what happens. It’s also the absence of what should have happened. 

But there is a way in which our physical wounds and our psychic wounds differ broadly. Our psychic wounds can fully heal. They can be gently, patiently, compassionately healed. 

The medicine? Connection.

Connection with the self and compassionate witnesses, nature, spirit, creativity, art and more.

It is the drive for connection that is the wisdom of trauma. The most important connection being the one with ourselves. 

Trauma is also anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond. Importantly, trauma lies in the person, and not in the event. Its effects are cumulative. 

There are several types of trauma. 

Shock trauma is things like natural disasters, war zone experiences, man made disasters, sexual assaults, acts of terrorism, acts of violence (including school shootings), child abuse, death of loved ones, major car accidents, and physical trauma. We often hear these referred to as “Big T” traumas. This is what returning veterans have to contend with for years after returning from combat, for example.

There is also what is often called “little t” trauma which includes relational and developmental trauma, such as lack of parental attunement in childhood, betrayal, sexual harassment and divorce. This category also includes things like dog bites, dental procedures, routine surgeries, falls, minor car accidents. 

Finally there is systemic trauma, such as racism, sexism, homelessness, homophobia, transphobia, ableism and other forms of oppression. 

To reiterate, once again the effects of trauma are cumulative. 

Let’s see how this shows up. 

For example, when I witnessed a man being killed by a terrible car bombing when I worked in the Balkans the impact on me was significant. Most people would acknowledge this as a serious shock trauma. But what ultimately determined the impact of that shock trauma in my life for many years wasn’t the bombing. It was the cumulative effect of the developmental and systemic trauma I had experienced as a child that combined with the shock trauma which was so devastating.

Because in the car with me the night of that bombing in Belgrade was another diplomat, my friend Irini. While she was shaken up a bit by the event, she was able to get back to work and business as usual almost immediately. What had been a limit event for my nervous system, which had already been severely taxed in childhood, for her was just an unfortunate but ultimately minor event in her life. 

This, too, is an extremely important point to keep in mind. 

You might have had a breakup or divorce which devastated you for years, for example, while your best friend from college got divorced and was dating again in a matter of weeks. To reiterate, because trauma is in the person and not the event, however, we might see perhaps that your traumatic breakup took place shortly after your father died, your dog got sick and you lost your job, already placing enormous demands on your mental, emotional, physical and spiritual resources. 

Why animals don’t experience trauma

To understand how trauma is experienced by humans, it’s helpful to look at what happens in animals in the wild. Despite going through the harrowing experiences we’ve all seen on the Nature channel, why is it that animals in the wild can be chased, hunted, attacked, and threatened without becoming traumatized? 

My teacher Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing and author of Waking the Tiger, offers some important clues. 

Imagine a small deer in a sunny meadow. The deer is peacefully munching on grass when it hears a noise. The deer instinctively lifts its head up, perks up its ears and orients to the sound. Its neck, face and eyes turn toward the disturbance while its heart begins to pump faster, flooding its arms and legs with blood preparing it to fight off a predator or flee if necessary. Its sympathetic (alert) nervous system has been activated. Based on millions of years of evolution that have honed its instincts, the animal quickly discerns that the sound was benign - maybe that of a twig snapping - and without missing a beat, goes back to grazing. Within moments, its heart rate goes back to normal and blood leaves the large muscle groups of the legs and arms and moves once again to the digestive system and central organs. The parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) system of the body is activated once again and all is well. 

But let’s say the deer turns and hears that the noise in the bushes maybe isn’t benign but is presenting a threat. 

What happens next?

In this case, once again the deer orients to the sound and its sympathetic nervous system becomes activated. It senses that maybe there is a threat. Immediately the deer’s instinctual response system assesses whether the sound is more like that of a small gopher, which it can easily fight off if necessary, or if it is a more fierce and faster predator, perhaps a cheetah. If it’s a smaller animal, the deer will fight it off and survive. It will use its life-saving capacity for healthy aggression and will actually feel more vital, energized and alive by protecting itself with the fight response. 

Once again, no trauma results here. 

But what if the deer senses that a cheetah caused the disturbance? An animal that is a natural predator and is both larger and faster than the small buck? What happens next?

In this case, the deer will instinctively begin to flee the scene and a chase sequence begins. The buck will run and run as quickly as it can to get away from the deadly and ferocious predator. It runs as fast as it can, but there is no way it can escape the feline. The cheetah gets closer and closer as they run, literally, for life or death across the savannah. 

As the deer continues to lose its lead on the great cat, it becomes clear that its strategy of fleeing and running away will not save him. He cannot outrun the cheetah and knows that, unless something extraordinary happens, it will almost certainly soon feel the steely jaws of the cheetah ripping into its flesh. 

Instinctively the deer once again changes its survival strategy. It could not fight the bigger cat and it can’t flee from it. So the deer takes one more shot at survival and employs its final strategy.

Let’s see what happens.  

As the cheetah gets closer and closer, suddenly the deer stops running and abruptly falls over as if dead on the plain. The deer knows that freezing in this way (playing possum, as it were) offers two potential life-affirming benefits.

First, by freezing, the deer’s physiology shuts down and produces powerful pain-relieving hormones, literally the same substances as opioids. In the event the cheetah does catch up to him and its powerful jaws clamp the prey’s flesh, the pain will be dulled. Secondly, because cheetah and other predators aren’t scavengers and won’t eat animals they haven’t killed, the feline might see the deer lying down and think it’s dead. With some luck, what might even happen is that the cheetah sniffs around at the deer, determines it’s dead and decides to walk away and leave the scene. At that point, once the coast is clear, the deer will get up, unscathed from the encounter.

The most interesting thing you'll see though is what happens after the deer gets up.

Once it’s determined it is in a safe enough place, the deer will begin to shake, tremble and take some deep spontaneous breaths. Remember before the deer stopped racing it was going incredibly fast, perhaps speeds of more than 30 miles per hour. An enormous amount of life force energy was moving through its body, as if the gas pedal was to the metal. Going into a sudden freeze response in this way is akin to slamming on the breaks. Imagine how much energy would be spent in your car if both the gas and the brakes were slammed down at the same time. There would be a huge expenditure of energy, or revving, but zero forward or backward movement. By getting up and spontaneously shaking, trembling and breathing deeply, the deer’s nervous system is reset and it goes back to doing its deer-thing. No trauma results. 

What happens in humans 

Obviously in more ways than we commonly acknowledge, we are much like animals in the wild, especially when it comes to our survival strategies. You might recall using some or all of these strategies yourself. 

So what is it that animals are doing differently that we aren’t? And why is that?

Like animals, we, too, have the natural impulse to discharge overwhelming experiences. But in humans, our egos often get in the way. We don’t want to look weird shaking in the middle of the grocery store when our kid is acting wild. We don’t want to allow ourselves to tremble and cry at work when we get a call that our mom’s diagnosis isn’t good. After all, we don’t want people to think we’re unprofessional or called hysterical, a judgment that often gets hurled at anyone expressing even the slightest hint of emotional energy in corporate work environments. And especially if we are from marginalized and oppressed communities that are already considered threatening in certain shame-based environments in dominant culture, we certainly don’t want to express ourselves for fear of further alienation, ridicule, job losses and even death.

So instead what do we do? 

In what leading trauma-expert Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, calls “the post-alcoholic culture” of modern America, we drink, drug, eat, obsess, shop, overwork, have compulsive sex and do whatever else we can to cope with that unprocessed energy. 

What makes the difference?  Education and Resources. 

What, then, is the path to preventing or healing from trauma? Is that even possible? 

The answer is a resounding yes. 

It is possible to prevent symptoms associated with trauma such as anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, sleep disorders, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and others from developing by endeavoring to give ourselves the time, space and permission to discharge these powerful life force energies. Understanding how your body and trauma work is an incredibly important part of the process and one of the most important resources to have in your toolkit. Knowing this about how we work can help not only you, but your children, spouse, friends and colleagues to prevent post traumatic stress from happening. The cliche “knowledge is power” really does sum it up.

But that’s not all.

Our access to resources is one of the biggest determinants of whether and how we will experience trauma in our lives. 

This is a key point to consider.

Resources are both internal and external. An internal resource might be knowing you have overcome similarly challenging experiences in your life and have survived. It could be your faith. It could be a yoga, prayer or meditation practice. It could be an image or memory of a loving pet or grandparent that loved you unconditionally. 

Inner resources are incredibly powerful as they can never be taken from you. They are also widely available to marginalized and oppressed communities that may also be suffering from a lack of external resources.

For most people, external resources are also necessary to help us cope with and resolve trauma once difficult events occur. External resources could be compassionate friends, family, therapists, coaches, healers, nature, plant medicines, financial resources to help pay for therapy, a 12-step community, yoga class or teacher, a pet that gives you unconditional love and affection, art, music, even essential oils and certain smells. Almost anything life-affirming can be an external resource. 

Trauma is a Fact of Life, But it Doesn’t Have to Be A Life Sentence

While trauma is a fact of life, as Dr. Levine says, it doesn't have to be a life sentence. 

In an upcoming blog post, I’ll share with you specific simple practices you can do to begin the process of feeling more self-regulated and resilient to trauma. 

Mastering resilience to stress, anxiety and trauma to have a more meaningful impact in the world is possible and more necessary than ever. Understanding how your body and trauma work can be hugely helpful on your path to doing so. 

Want to create your most resilient and intentional year yet in 2021? Get the motivation, accountability and support you need. Check out the Mastering Resilience Small Group Coaching Program with social justice pricing. Applications are now being accepted.