The Angst of the Mother’s Day Card Dilemma

I found myself in the greeting card aisle again.

Mother’s Day approaching, the shelves bursting with flowers, glitter, and scripted words that felt like they were shouting at me.

A wall of pinks and pastels.
Heartfelt declarations.
And a quiet knot forming in my stomach many years ago now.

I picked up a card that read:

"Mom, you’ve always been my rock, my soft place to land."

Not quite.

Another:

"Your unconditional love has shaped every part of who I am."

Nope.

And then:

"You’ve loved me perfectly from the very beginning."

I had to set that one down fast. Each card felt like a betrayal of truth.

Too much.
Too sweet.
Too far from my experience.

Not because my mother and I didn’t love each other deeply.

But because the love we shared was complicated, and for many years, hard-won.

That’s what so few people talk about when it comes to Mother’s Day. That for a lot of us, the day brings up more than brunch and roses.

It brings up longing.
Confusion.
Sometimes grief.

And yet—dominant culture doesn’t really make room for that.
There’s no card that says:

"I see the effort you made and I’m still healing from what you couldn’t give."

Or,

"Happy Mother’s Day. We’ve come a long way."

Eventually, I found a plain card with just three words on the front:
Happy Mother’s Day.
No butterflies.
No florals.
No declarations of eternal closeness.

It felt simple and honest.
Not syrupy.
Not performative.
A gesture that acknowledged duty, and yes, love—but didn’t deny reality to get there.

That, I realized, was the most loving card I could offer.
One that honored the truth of the past and the boundary of the present.

And if you’ve ever stood in a card aisle with that same sinking feeling,
I want you to know:

You’re not broken.
You’re not ungrateful.
You’re not alone.

The tension you feel? That’s real.
And it’s not just you.

So many of us walk the line between gratitude and grief when it comes to our mothers. Especially those of us doing trauma-informed healing work.

For me, that healing changed everything.

I became my mother’s caregiver at the end of her life. And in that sacred space, we found something new—
forgiveness,
closeness,
deep recognition and mutual appreciation.

It didn’t erase the pain of the past, but it let love come through anyway.

I saw her not just as a mother, but as a woman.
A soul doing her best with the tools she had.
And with that shift, something opened in me.

I was no longer waiting for her to become what I needed: I was becoming that for myself.

That’s the real miracle of healing.
You stop trying to rewrite the old story,
and instead learn to be the kind of parent you always longed for.

Not just with your head,
but in your body.
In your spirit.

You learn to listen to your own needs.
To offer tenderness without self-abandonment.
To hold boundaries with kindness and strength.

This is the quiet, powerful work of re-mothering.
And it’s available to all of us—especially on days when the world wants to hand us someone else’s script.

And here’s something else we don’t talk about enough:

A complicated relationship with your mother can also impact how you relate to other women.

Sometimes it shows up as distrust.
Sometimes comparison.
Sometimes fear of intimacy.

That’s why being in spaces with boundaried, self-nurturing women can be so reparative.

It shows your nervous system a new template.
A new possibility.

Women who listen.
Who don’t demand you shrink.
Who hold space for your truth and theirs.

That’s what we practice together—in my 1:1 work and at my group offerings. We gather as we are, healing our wounds not just through words and intentions, but through embodied experience.

If this Mother’s Day feels tender, here are three ways to parent yourself with love:

1. Listen to your body, not the greeting cards.

Your nervous system might be carrying old imprints: tension, dread, longing, guilt.
Instead of pushing them away, try pausing and noticing what’s true in your body.
Put your hand on your heart.
Breathe.
Ask yourself, What would a loving parent do right now?
Even just witnessing your body’s truth with compassion is an act of healing.

2. Protect your energy with clear, kind boundaries.

You don’t have to attend events that feel performative.
You don’t have to pretend to feel something you don’t.
And if your mother (or her memory) still carries pain, you can bless her and still choose space.
Boundaries (no matter what culture we are from) are a form of love—especially when they keep you grounded in what’s real.

3. Offer yourself what you most needed and never got.

Did you need tenderness?

Encouragement?

Consistency?

Someone to remind you that you are good, worthy, safe?

Start there.

Write yourself a note.
Make your favorite childhood meal.
Light a candle and say the words you always wished someone would say. Be the mother now.
The one who sees you, believes you, celebrates your growth.

Mother’s Day doesn’t have to be about pretending.

It can be about honoring.
Honoring your mother for what she gave.
Honoring yourself for what you survived.
And honoring the work you’re doing now to become more whole, more free, more you.

That’s something worth celebrating.

And it doesn’t need glitter to shine.

Ready to give yourself the gift of nurturing, care and support this year? Join my intimate 7-night retreat this August in Greece. Get the details and celebrate yourself here.

Three Tips for Managing Financial Anxiety

If you’ve ever struggled with financial anxiety, you’re not alone—

I’ve been there too.

Money worries have been a recurring theme in my life, but over the years, I’ve learned tools to help me navigate those moments of fear and overwhelm.

In this post, I’m sharing three tips that have been game-changers for me. They’re simple, effective, and have made a big difference in how I approach financial matters.

I hope they help you too.

Tip 1: Get Physical to Reset Your Nervous System

One of the first things I learned about managing financial anxiety is the importance of movement. There have been so many times I’ve felt paralyzed at the thought of looking at my finances or tackling something like a negotiation. What I’ve discovered is that moving my body—even just a short walk around the block or a quick set of squats—helps shift that frozen, overwhelmed feeling.

Here’s why: movement triggers the release of mood-boosting hormones like serotonin. It also helps calm the “fight or flight” response in your nervous system, making it easier to think clearly. For me, getting my heart rate up even a little before diving into financial tasks creates space for calm and focus.

So next time you’re gearing up to look at your bank statements or tackle financial planning, try a few minutes of intentional movement first. You might be surprised at how much it helps.

Tip 2: Set the Initial Conditions for Success

I’ve also learned how much my environment impacts my ability to approach financial tasks without feeling overwhelmed. If I’m hungry, tired, or just not in a good headspace, even the simplest financial task feels impossible. Over time, I realized that setting myself up for success starts with creating the right initial conditions.

For me, this might look like:

• Putting on my favorite fuzzy sweater to feel safe and grounded.

• Making a cup of licorice tea (it’s like a hug in a mug).

• Using orange essential oil because the scent instantly lifts my spirits and makes me feel abundant.

These little rituals help me feel more relaxed and remind my nervous system that I’m safe. When I’m in a state of comfort and ease, it’s so much easier to focus, stay on task, and approach money with patience and curiosity.

What makes you feel safe, warm, and ready?

Try creating your own “goldilocks conditions” before diving into financial matters—it can make a huge difference.

Tip 3: Seek Support to Decrease Shame and Increase Discernment

This was the hardest lesson for me to learn, but also the most transformative: it’s okay to ask for help. For years, I believed I had to figure out money stuff on my own — but all that did was deepen my anxiety and shame. Reaching out for support was a game-changer.

When I started talking to trusted people—friends who love spreadsheets, my coach, and even communities of like-minded folks—I noticed two things:

1. My shame began to melt away.

2. My ability to make thoughtful, discerning financial decisions improved.

We’re not meant to handle everything alone.

If financial anxiety is weighing on you, think about who in your life might be a good source of support. It could be a friend who geeks out on investing, a therapist who can help normalize your feelings, or a coach who offers practical tools. The most important thing is to recognize that you’re not alone.

If you’re looking for a supportive community, consider joining the upcoming Embodied Money Trauma Reset (EMTR) 101.

Over six weeks, starting January 28, 2025, we’ll explore how the nervous system impacts your relationship with money, why earning more isn’t always the answer, and how to approach financial well-being from a trauma-informed, somatic perspective.

Final Thoughts

These tips—moving your body, creating the right conditions, and seeking support—have been so helpful to me as I’ve worked through my own financial anxiety. They’re simple, but they’ve made a world of difference.

If you’re feeling stuck, start small. Even one intentional action can begin to shift how you feel about money. And remember: you don’t have to face this alone.

(EMTR) 101: Embodied Money Trauma Reset is now open for enrollment for a limited time. Class begins January 28th, 2025. Get the details and save your spot.

4 Ways Yoga Helps Trauma Healing

Research and anecdotal evidence both suggest yoga is beneficial for all kinds of things: physical strength, balance and flexibility, relief of neck and back pain, better sleep, and more.

What fewer people realize, is that yoga can also be a powerful ally in the healing of relational, shock and systemic trauma.

Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, is a clinical psychiatrist whose work attempts to integrate mind, brain, body, and social connections to understand and treat trauma. He is the author of The New York Times bestselling book The Body Keeps the Score and writes:

When people think about trauma, they generally think of it as a historical event that happened some time ago. Trauma is actually the residue from the past as it settles into your body. It’s located inside your own skin. When people are traumatized, they become afraid of their physical sensations; their breathing becomes shallow, and they become uptight and frightened about what they’re feeling inside. When you slow down your breathing with yoga, you can increase your heart rate variability, and that decreases stress. Yoga opens you up to feeling every aspect of your body’s sensations. It’s a gentle, safe way for people to befriend their bodies, where the trauma of the past is stored.

In this video, I share just a few of the many ways yoga helps the healing of trauma.

4 Ways Yoga Helps Trauma Healing

1. Yoga can alleviate pain and discomfort in the body.

For many people, emotional pain can also be physically painful.

As Nikki Myers says, “Our issues live in our tissues.” Yoga can be extremely helpful to relieve some of that pain, especially if you are doing a gentle, trauma-informed yoga practice.

If you’re in severe grief or emotional pain – whether because of the death of a loved one, a break up, or the latest mass shooting – those 15-30 minutes on the yoga mat can be a blessing of (non-addictive) pain-relief. 

2. Yoga can reduce the physical tension in the body which often causes us to be reactive.

Trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond. When we experience difficult events, our bodies produce a series of chemicals. If we are lucky enough to process the event and our big emotions in the moment, it often passes without leaving a long-term residue on our nervous system. 

But if there’s no time to process those big feelings - and discharge those chemicals - they often end up turning into the tension we experience in our bodies. Yoga helps us let go of the physical tension and the old emotions that can cause us to be reactive in our relationships, at work and in our public lives.

Feeling the feelings isn’t always fun, but for our long-term health and well-being it’s a must.

3. Practicing yoga can be a chance to learn about, cultivate and use boundaries.

When I went to my first yoga classes many years ago, I was definitely not a fan. 

I was comparing myself to everyone in the room and couldn’t keep up. I felt so awkward. It took me many years to find yoga that was my jam …

And what a teacher taught me was that, if i was in yoga thinking about what was going to happen tomorrow or next week, I wasn’t practicing good boundaries. That really got me curious. 

The invitation was to keep my focus on what was actually happening on my yoga mat. So I started to actually notice when something was causing me to take my attention from what was happening right there in the room.

This is so important because folks who experience stress, anxiety and trauma (and especially folks in the helping professions or people who are givers), often have boundaries that aren’t necessarily strong and healthy. Maybe we over give or over share and then feel ashamed we did that. Or we have difficulty saying no.

That’s certainly been part of my journey. 

So on the yoga mat (or chair), it’s a great chance to practice boundaries and keep coming back to what’s actually happening right here in the moment. As we practice bringing our awareness to our sensations, breath, thoughts and emotions that are on the mat, we are learning to cultivate boundaries. This is important because if our boundaries are intact, we can respond to the challenges of life in a much more proactive way and avoid becoming victimized again.

4. When practiced with mindfulness, it can be a way of learning about and accepting yourself exactly the way you are. 

If you compare yourself to other people - and are either the best in the room or the worst - you’re probably also lacking in self-compassion. Learning mindful self-acceptance is a huge game changer - especially if you are looking to change. 

Why? 

Because shame (a tool many of us use to whip ourselves into shape) never causes anyone to make sustainable long-term healthy changes. Let’s face it - if it worked, you wouldn’t be here reading this looking for another approach. 

So when we bring a spirit of non-judgmental acceptance of ourselves exactly the way we are, and truly practice self-compassion and self-acceptance, we can also be much more accepting and inclusive of others.

And a BONUS …. 

If you want to see the world become a place where there’s greater justice, equality, opportunity for all regardless of race, religion, gender, ability, class, sexual orientation, or any other element of identity, then you know compassion and acceptance of yourself is the beginning of compassion and acceptance for others. Among the best ways you can contribute to making the world a better place, is with self-acceptance and self-compassion. You’ve heard it said again and again but we truly must be the change we want to see in the world!

If you’re looking to transform stress, anxiety and trauma into resilience, I hope these four ways yoga can help will inspire you to take the self-care actions you need to thrive. After all, you deserve it!